How to Actually Get the Hair You Want (Without the Awkward Miscommunication)

Written By Virginia Goetting

Okay, real talk: have you ever left the salon, politely said, “I love it!” ... and then cried in your car? Yeah. Same. But here’s the thing—it’s not always about a bad haircut. A lot of the time, it comes down to one little word: communication.

If you want to walk out of that chair feeling like the main character, you’ve got to know how to talk to your stylist. And don’t worry—I’m going to walk you through it, step-by-step. Because when you and your stylist are on the same page? That’s where the hair magic happens.

1.Get Yourself Together (Before You Even Sit in the Chair)

Gather Inspo

  • Let’s not leave your dream hair up to imagination, okay? Save the photos!

  • Here’s what helps:

    • Scroll through Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok—whatever your vibe is—and save styles you’re loving.

    • Bonus points if you include looks you don’t like. It’s just as helpful to say, “Not this.”

    • Have everything saved and ready to show on your phone (or printed if you’re old-school like me on Tuesdays).

Know Your Hair History

  • Your stylist is basically your hair’s doctor. They need the full backstory.

  • So be honest about:

    • The last time you colored, relaxed, permed, or bleached the life out of it.

    • The products you use daily (or the fact that you’re currently using your kid’s 2-in-1 shampoo… no judgment).

    • Anything going on that you’re worried about—breakage, shedding, dryness, scalp issues. Say it all.

Define Your Goals

  • Don’t sit in the chair and just say, “I don’t know, something cute.” (You deserve better than vague!)

  • Ask Yourself:

    • Am I going for a bold change or just a tidy-up?

    • How much effort am I willing to put into styling every morning?

    • Will this work with my job, gym schedule, toddler, or general refusal to own a flat iron?

2. Nail the Consultation (AKA: Your Hair Strategy Session)

Be Honest, Be Specific

  • This is not the time for “whatever you think” energy. Speak your truth!

  • Try Saying:

    • “I like how this frames my face—but I hate how it flips up at the ends.”

    • “I don’t want to go shorter than this,” while pointing to a real-life spot on your body.

    • “I have this weird cowlick that drives me nuts—help me work around it.”

Use Those Visuals

  • Stylists are artists, and nothing helps them more than a solid visual.

  • So when you show those inspo pics:

    • Point out exactly what you love: “I’m obsessed with this soft layering here.”

    • Say what doesn’t work: “I love the length, but not the heavy bangs.”

    • Use the mirror to point things out in real time—live demonstration, baby.

Ask for Their Expertise

  • You’re not just showing up with Pinterest pics—you’re also getting access to their knowledge.

  • Ask things like:

    • “Do you think this will suit my face shape?”

    • “Would this work with my hair texture?”

    • “If I do this, what kind of maintenance am I signing up for?”

  • Spoiler alert: stylists LOVE when you treat them like the professionals they are.

3. Talk About the After Life (a.k.a. Maintenance)

Know the Commitment

  • Every haircut has a personality—some are chill and lowkey, others are divas that need constant love.

  • So ask:

    • “How often will I need to come in to keep this looking fresh?”

    • “What’s the morning routine going to look like—am I heat-styling or air-drying?”

    • “How will this grow out? Cute and lived-in, or awkward mushroom phase?”

Ask for product recs:

  • Stylists don’t just cut and color—they know what your hair wants.

  • Ask things like:

    • “What shampoo should I be using to keep this color vibrant?”

    • “I’m dealing with dryness—what’s your go-to mask or treatment?”

    • “How should I be styling this at home without ruining it?”

      Trust me, getting the right product rec from your stylist can feel like discovering a hair cheat code.

4. While You’re in the Chair (Stay Present!)

Stay Engaged

  • This is a collab, not a surprise party

  • Here’s what helps:

    • Watch the process—ask questions if you’re curious or confused.

    • Speak up if something feels off: “Hey, can we go a tiny bit longer?”

    • Be kind but be honest. You know your hair, and your stylist wants you to be happy.

Ask questions, always

  • If you’re not 100% sure what’s happening on your head—just ask.

  • Try this:

    • What are you doing right now?”

    • “Can I see how it’s looking so far?”

    • “Will this be easy for me to recreate at home?”

  • You're not annoying—you’re being proactive. Your stylist wants to get it right for you.

5. After the Appointment (AKA: Don’t Ghost Your Stylist)

Give feedback

  • Did they crush it? Say it! Need a tweak next time? Say that too.

  • Be real:

    • “I’m loving this length—it’s so easy to style.”

    • “Next time, maybe we can take the layers a little higher?”

    • Leave a review if you’re thrilled—it’s like sending a love letter to their career.

Plan ahead

  • Great hair doesn’t just happen once. It’s a relationship.

  • So:

    • Pre-book your next visit while you’re still in the chair—future you will thank you.

    • Let them know about any upcoming events or changes.

    • Follow them on social for updates, tips, or inspo between appointments.

TL;DR: Speak Up, Glow Up:

Getting your dream hair is absolutely possible—but it’s a team sport. With a little prep, some honest convo, and the courage to speak your truth in the chair, you can turn a good salon visit into a great one.

Your stylist wants you to leave feeling amazing. And you? You deserve to strut out of there feeling like you, upgraded.

So say what you mean. Show the inspo. Ask the questions. And never settle for “it’s fine” hair again.

Virginia Goetting
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